Vengeance

Me... I got an interview tomorrow for a premium audit/direct collections specialist position.

Cousin... Nice work!!!
Cousin... Is it there in Scottsdale?

Me... Yes.
Me... But I work with one of the people who is condcuting the interview and we don't exactly like each other.
Me... I'm going to try to destroy him in his own interview.

Cousin... You should interview him!!

Me... Just like Ivan Draggo: "If he dies...he dies."

Cousin...You are a piece of iron.

Me... What have you been up to lately besides only having one vagina to play with for the rest of your life?

Cousin... Not much.
Cousin... Playing Nintendo.
Cousin... Waiting for a decent movie to come out this summer.
Cousin... What have you been up to?
Cousin... I have been studying to take one of these stupid insurance exams...it will probably force me to end my life in a "Saw"-like death contraption.

Me... It will, i agree.
Me... I have been battling kidney stones and urinary tract infection for the last two weeks. I consider it a 30th birthday present from "God." He is so caring and gentle to those who curse his name constantly...

Cousin... WTF man!!! He is a vengeful god!!!

Me... I would not respect him at all if he didn't show me his rage every once in a while. Well played Lord, well played.

Cousin... Does it feel like your dang is a flamethrower?

Me... No, it feels more like my dank and right ball are constantly in a vice grip. My pee looks like chicken broth, and the meds are making me constipated. The lord is thorough with his vengence.

Cousin... He does not like those who challenge him for world superiority.

Me... I do have a strong desire for world conquest.
Me... ...and to disprove all of catholicism before I die. I guess I can understand how that would anger him.

Cousin... hahahahahaha...I just got back from a tubing conquest to conquer the mighty Iowa River.
Cousin... I am successfully working on 20 minutes of sleep in the last three days.
Cousin... Redbull is fueling my life right now.
Cousin... I don't even feel like I am alive.

Me... Let the bull guide thee...

Cousin... I was one with nature.
Cousin... and bud light.

Me... Has the mud butt hit you yet?

Cousin... I have been in the bathroom 5 times this morning.
Cousin... I almost didn't make it to work.
Cousin... My poop looks like chicken soup.

Me... Just like my pee.
Me... God's wrath.

Cousin... It feels like pee.
Cousin... I met some trailer trash from Fort Madison.

Me... True salt-o-the-earth Americans I presume?

Cousin... They were camped behind us and the shrieking biatch screamed until 5:30 in the morning yesterday.
Cousin... My buddies just about killed her.

Me... Why was she screaming?

Cousin... She was a drunk idiot.
Cousin... The booze just couldn't put her down.

Me... Why didn't someone throw her in the fire to see if she burned like wood?

Cousin... She was a fighter.

Me... Witches are made of wood...
Me... That is also why they float.
Me... I love Salem.

Cousin... They burned gay people too.

Me... They must be made of wood too. My guess is cork. It's great for plugging things.

Cousin... HAHAHAHA