Doodoo Talk

8:26:21 AM: Co-worker: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale


8:26:23 AM: Co-worker: Those two beasts I had a few days ago were def type 4.

8:27:39 AM: Me: That fact that there is a poop scale on wikipedia is awesome.

8:28:16 AM: Me: Ive been having a lot of type 6 lately. I wonder if it is from stress or my shitty diet.

8:28:46 AM: Co-worker: I'll go through phases it seems like.

8:28:52 AM: Co-worker: regarless of what I eat.

8:30:12 AM: Me: I don't always see a type 2...but when I do, I just spent twenty minutes trying to work it out and burst several capillaries in my face in the process.

8:32:53 AM: Co-worker: Yeah. Type 2 and 3 suck when they are all fat.

8:40:36 AM: Me: Have you ever had the kind where just the tip of the turd is painful? I have had a few type 2's where the tip of the turd felt like it had solidified into a rock the size of a tennis ball and it was trying to force its way out of my poor, tiny butthole. I would slowly work it out for like ten minutes, and then after the initial rock-hard lump was clear a torrential downpour of hell-tainted colon pudding followed. The euphoric feeling that I have for the rest of the day is magnificent though. After relieving my body and soul of a defilement that horrid I feel like I have been purified by some holy power and my essence begins to glow, like in the movie The Last Dragon when Bruce LeRoy fights Shonuff...

8:42:07 AM: Co-worker: That was beautiful.