The Masterworks

Cousin demonstrates his impeccable Paint ability:

Considerate

Cousin... Did you see transformers yet?

Me... Didn’t even know it was out yet.

Cousin... It came out last night.

Me... Did it explode your internal organs?

Cousin... I took friday off and Cousin#2 and I are going Thursday night.

Me... I see.

Cousin... I have heard that it will melt your face off and then burn you skull until it is nothing but dust.

Me... Who needs a skull anyway?

Cousin... Then it will pee on your skull to put out the flames.

Me... Well, at least it is considerate.

Cousin... Exactly.

The Gift

(My cousin and I talking about our other cousin)


Me... How would he react if i got him a subscribtion to Hustler but didnt tell him, then he would just start getting titty mags every month?

Cousin... He would think it was God's work.
Cousin... Then probably quit his job and move to Vegas or California to be a porn director.

Me... That is exactly how I envisioned his reaction too.

Cousin... He would then bridge the gap between mainstream cinema and porn and would become the first director to win an Oscar for porn direction.

Me... Indeed.

Cousin... In his acceptance speech he will thank you for giving him his first porn mag. He will then state that movies are all about great plot and dialogue first, huge dicks and tits come a close second.

Me... boobs

Cousin... gotta love em

Me... He will shoot an artsy, tear-jerking, epic porno...
Me... about the solidarity of mankind.
Me... A true coming of age tale.
Me... A masterpiece of modern cinema.
Me... The next Gone With The Wind.
Me... ...but with tits.

Cousin... I can see the movie endorsements on the poster now. "I cried, I laughed, I got slapped in the face with 34dd 3d boobs" --Steven Speilberg

Me... "I never felt more emotionally connected with my boner." --Steven Colbert

Cousin... "It's the first movie where I didn't shut it off after I blew my load" --Arnold Schwarzenegger

Me... "The climax was breathtaking...literally, I accidentally blew my load in my nose and mouth and almost drowned." --LeBron James

Cousin... I just pissed my pants.

The End

Me... I need a Wii, that new Punch-Out game is going to change the world, maybe even rip a hole in the space-time continuum...

Cousin... F'n Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Jack Burton, Ivan Drago, Rocky Balboa, Snake Plissken, Rambo, Conan, and Bill Braskey will simoultaneously appear and have a battle royal to the death where there can be only one!

Cousin... It will be the end of the world

Me... That is exactly how i envisioned the world ending too...